Discipline Mistakes

Have you ever wondered how your child learned to push your limits so well? Some of what they learn about pushing the limits of discipline actually comes from our habits. For example have you ever told your child ”I’m counting to three and you better stop, one, two, two and a half, two and three-quarters …”. Well here are a few ways you can try to make discipline a little easier.

1. Always follow through

It’s really about establishing boundaries and sticking to them. This means not giving them slack when you set limits. If bedtime is in 5 minutes extension should be rare not the norm. You might not get a tantrum immediately but the next time bedtime rolls around you’ll get a little begging for an extension and that could develop into a full tantrum. This how children learn to push the limits.

Of course it’s important to establish the right boundaries. Don’t set limits you can’t carry out. For example, if you’re not going to turn the car around and cancel the Disney vacation than don’t use it as a boundary. Once you start following through, your kids will know you mean business. Also, keep your limits concise. For example, “If you clear your plate, you’ll get dessert. If you don’t, no dessert.” Simple, relevant, and very effective.

2. Bribing

You’re in the checkout line at the store and the begging and tears start. “I want that toy, I need that candy bar”. Next start the tears and then the full fledged tantrum. Bribes are like junk food, they lack substance and they leave you felling empty once you’re done. In other words the bribe might work to get you out of a potentially embarrassing tantrum but your child won’t learn to change their bad behavior. In fact you have actually reinforced their poor behavior with a reward.

One tactic to try is to bring their favorite toy or activity to the market. Just when they start to request an item, pull it out and offer it to your child to occupy their time and distract them. You can also let them decide what toy or book to bring to the store. This gets them involved in the process of planning their trip and their own reward for good behavior.

3. Yelling

Yelling is like a game of chicken. You begin to yell and then you’re reinforcing that behavior with your child who ultimately begins to yell back. Each of you are trying to out-yell the other and bad behavior becomes reinforced.

Instead of dialing it up, dial it down. Use time outs or even quite times as punishment for bad behavior. This offers the fundamentals of conflict resolution. It teaches your child to remove themselves from the stressful, elevated fight situation to give time to calm themselves. Once they are calm then you can continue to reinforce with traditional methods of discipline.

No one has all the answers to disciplining a child. Try different methods until you find out what works and what doesn’t.

Source: http://www.greatschools.org/
http://www.parenting.com/